• GratitudeMarch 12, 2020
  So I have been out of touch of my daily journal, but it is never too late to keep going right? So I have been very tuned in recently with my emotions, my intentions with the world and my own inner self love and care. Things are working and aligning so good It has beenContinue reading “Gratitude”
• 9 daysFebruary 25, 2020
  So I have gladly been 9 days sober. I feel my headspace is much better and clearer. Depression is a bitch, as I have been able to do somethings but not everything. I dont know why it has been hard to go to the gym. I still feel weird out around people, but i knowContinue reading “9 days”
• HappierFebruary 24, 2020
  Short but sweet. Although I havent logged in. It has been 7 days sober so far and I’m so happy about it. Here to 7 more days! 😃
• AlmostFebruary 21, 2020
  Today was good, did lots of stuff! Tomorrow I should be hitting the.gym! Also meditating has been good for me.
• Everybody is doing emails nowFebruary 20, 2020
  So today, went great. Literally same thing as usual… recovering… HOWEVER I am using this momentum to join the gym and throw myself into a routine of working out and feeling better. I will take it easy tomorrow, but I am excited because nothing like sweating out the impurities, and loving your body. I knowContinue reading “Everybody is doing emails now”
• MomentsFebruary 18, 2020
  Sadly, I made the wrong choice last night after the concert. I could of not gone to the guys place but I did. I was already home then I received the msg. – this guy is aware that I want to quit and my intentions. – I am aware it wasnt the smartest choice –Continue reading “Moments”
• Sunshine KittyFebruary 16, 2020
  Today I feel much better 🙂 – So happy I was able to avoid the temptation. I noticed I was trying to talking my self that I could just still smoke some meth and slowly decrease the amount, which is fine for some people and its a harm reduction action that it is proven toContinue reading “Sunshine Kitty”
• TemptationFebruary 15, 2020
  Temptation is starting to lurke around me. I am making myself super busy. Tho I have most of past contacts blocked, today someone contacted me thru fb msgr, and I felt for a moment to give in, picturing the scenario of what we would do etc. Althought I’m not going to ever inject anymore. ThatContinue reading “Temptation”
• Part Of MeFebruary 14, 2020
  It’s been 5 days since my last drug binge. I feel good. The fact that i am not contemplating in going to use into the weekend. Although I am still a prisoner to this monster that is Meth, I feel strong enough to say NO. I am not going to do it, I am notContinue reading “Part Of Me”
• ChangesFebruary 13, 2020
  I feel better today. A little less anxious than yesterday… it explains I have been sleeping so much recently. I’ll keep myself busy, and stay positive today! I should join the gym soon! Working out was the one thing that helped me to stay away from use. I know deep down this is the answer.
• Checking inFebruary 12, 2020
  Today I woke up feeling like a train wreck and the shakes a real! Cravings intensify and I just feel like I want to be glued to bed and do nothing….otherwise I’d run to go and use. It’s hard but I know I can do this…. I failed fo write last night on here becauseContinue reading “Checking in”
• FeelingFebruary 11, 2020
  So I know I missed yesterday night! – I feel asleep earlier. Of course, I spent 3 days up doing drugs. No sleep, no food. It took its toll on me. Today I feel ok, but i feel that committing to this journal is a good way to listen to my own thoughts and speakContinue reading “Feeling”
• This is meFebruary 10, 2020
  Jan 10th I know – I am late to make my 11:11 post… I will do my best to get closer to a daily goal – I will – I feel a little tired still, withdrawal is so so bad – and yet I keep falling down the rabbit hole. Anyways, Things aren’t easy atContinue reading “This is me”
• 11:11February 10, 2020
  This time .. Something felt different – Jan 9th As I watched Lady Gaga’s Enigma Show televised from Miami for the Superbowl – Edge of Glory played…. This would be a daily check in I decided to journal, to help me through this tough times where, I am not only dealing with depression but aContinue reading “11:11”

This time .. Something felt different – Jan 9th

As I watched Lady Gaga’s Enigma Show televised from Miami for the Superbowl – Edge of Glory played….

This would be a daily check in I decided to journal, to help me through this tough times where, I am not only dealing with depression but a drug addiction. Please just be aware that this is ONLY and again ONLY my experience – none else’s..

It has been 24hrs since my last relapse – I am feeling better, have rested up and had good food. I also have been down this road before way too many times, it is so hard to explain how crippling drug addiction can be, its hard.

The other times, It didn’t feel like it was “turning point” as it is referred to in Rehab but this time it feels weirdly different – like I can finally do it! Despite of really wanting to let go off it, but my mind/body wouldn’t.

I feel so happy to FINALLY feel like this. I felt like i was my worst enemy.

I shall use space to check in on myself – share how I feel and to give myself accountability to continue this journey.

*Shallow by Gaga plays in the background*